Ya Allah! Aku mengaku kalah! Kau Maha Pengampun, maka Ampunkanlah aku

I only think about it when necessary

Or when I'm stuck in my own stupidity

I like stupidity

..and pain..sometimes..

All because I'm afraid to face tomorrow

 

Ya Allah! 

Aku mengaku kalah!

Kau Maha Pengampun,

maka

Ampunkanlah aku

Akuskizo: First time at it 2

(continued from here)

"Then why are you stopping him from advising me to do bad things?" I seemed to follow his story even though this whole thing is a bit out of place.

"This never happened before, you see. Me and him are made from opposing elements. When he's white, I'm black. When he's black, I'm white. So when he's bad, even though he was meant for good..."

"You become the opposite. I get it" The white one was already sitting. He was looking for something.

"Can I get an ashtray around here? You want me to burn your carpet?" I took an empty Coke bottle under my table and handed it to him. He stashed the butt, took the pack and lighted another one.

"Heavy smoker, huh? This is very weird, you know. Are there any other things that I need to know? On top of this?" Both of them just smoked their cigarette.

Skizo tak tengok ART ni?

"Not that we we know of. Anyway, you shouldn't feel bad about that girl leaving you. She's not worth the pain" said the black one.

"Yeah, well. HE'S not worth the pain, I tell you that. Look at him! He nearly commit a suicide for that girl. What a wuss!" commented the white one. I wanted to punch his face right there but the black one stopped me.

"I hate to admit it, but he got a point there, mann. It's time you go on with your life. I mean, what's the point of continuing with a girl who's not truly into you?" said the black one. I sat on a stool beside my bed.

"Besides, you got your friends" The black one was trying to comfort me.

"Friends? Huh! They don't care about you. The only thing that's on their minds is their little dick! Who the fuck wanna care bout you?" Now the white was starting to get on my nerve. I gazed at the bottle again.

"Just drink that shit and lets get it over with!" Then there was silence. The black one didn't respond. Maybe what ever coming from the white one was the truth. And it's horrible.

"Even your family don't givva shit about you! Come on mann! Life hasn't treat you good so what's the point of living?" The white one passed me the bottle. The black one gave a deep gaze outside the window. Even HE couldn't handle the truth about me. I took the bottle.

"Just remember man" said the black one slowly. "This ain't no joke, man. If you take a sip off that shit, man you're gonna regret it. I admit that life has not treated you good, but since when living is about taking? If you want something, work for it and if it doesn't work, that's not the end of everything. Just take those bad shits as smoething you will laugh about when you're old. Life is not what you assumed with this.." the black one pointed his finger on my forehead.

"..It's something that you feel with this.." then he points to my chest where heart supposed to be. Man, this guy is good.

"Aww..I'm crying here! You guys are fucking soft. Look at you! You believe that shit? Come on man, drink it!" The white one tried to shove the bottle back to me. The black one stopped him. I released the bottle. They fought over the bottle. I lighted a cigarette. This is a very tough situation for me. But those guys did make out some points. Suddenly the bottle fell. It crashed and the solution spilled all over the carpet. Strange odor starting to fill my room.

"Shit! There goes your chance to Yahoos. But then again, there's always pesticide. Fuck you, asshole! You devils are fucking jerk! Always up to my shit. Fuck it! I'm outta here!" The white one gave the black one the finger and faded. The black one tried to pick up the shattered pieces of the bottle.

"Thanks man, I couldn't have done it without you" I patted the black one's back. He gave out a warm purr.

"No man. You had done it yourself. Anyway, can I get a cig before I go? It's hard to get one back there in the headquarter" replied him.

"Sure-sure. So...is there any chance I will be seeing you guys again?" he looked deep into my eyes. Then he smiled.

"Sure. I'm afraid you will" then the black one faded. Sigh. That was the first time I realized that I suffer a major case of Schizophrenia. Hahahaha. Shitttt.

Akuskizo: How it all started

The whole flow smacked me right on my forehead. How could she leave me just like this? She's the one who started everything. She's the one who gave me the thought of being loved again. Now she juts packed her things and walked out of my life just like that. Life indeed is a bitch.

As I sit stoned in my cubicle, my mind wandered endlessly to that uncompromising region of memories. The smoke ain't doing me no good for I still saw her at every corner of my room. I took a puff from the damn smoke. Then my eyes focused on a bottle of Formalin I stole from my school's lab when I was 11. I never understood why my mind instructed me to take that solution. But right then, I knew. I held the bottle in my hand. I loosen the cap. The stinging smell started to fill the empty space left by my cigarette smoke.

"Take a sip, mannn". I jolted. Who the heck was that?

"Who said that?" I posted a question even though I knew I was alone in the room. There was silence. It seemed to me that my mind was playing games with me.

"Aww, come onn. You're just a big failure. If you're not such a butthead, why the hell would she left you?" came the reply. Suddenly, a figure materialized in front of me. Wait a minute! That guy looked just like me! He's smoking and wearing a white shirt and white Bermuda shorts. His shirt was written 'Heaven can kiss my S'. There's a shining oracle on his head like the one you'd see in cartoons when a character died. He took a whiff from his cig.

"Who the heck are you?" I asekd him. Am I dead yet? I put down the bottle and tightened the cap back.

"I'm you friend, mannn". He came closer to me. He put his right hand on my shoulder and then took the bottle from me. He loosened the cap and took a couple of gulps. Then he closed his eyes.

"1989. Good year. This is good shit, man. Where you got this shit from?". Then he took a step back and walked around my room like he was drunk. He stopped when he was in front of me.

"Wanna try?" he held his hand ilke he was passing the bottle to me. I was still stunned by his presence so I tried to grab the bottle.

"Get that thing offa him!" came another voice shouting in. Another person who looked like me materialized. He was wearing a black shirt along with a black 501 jeans. He got a spike bangle on his left wrist, just like I do! And he got little horns on his forehead. Now what the heck is going on around here?

"Awww, shit. Big bro is here again. Why don't you mind your fucking business, huh?" said the white one.

"Why don't I shove this bottle up your ass?" replied the black one. I noticed the black one's eyes were dark and mysterious. His voice was a bit growlish. Now those 2 strangers were fighting over the bottle of Formalin.

"Who ARE you guys?" Both of them stopped fighting. The black one who was on top, stood up. The white one toook another sip off the solution and a puff from his cigarette. He lied on his back. Drunk by the Formalin.

"Sorry for barging in like this. This is a very confusing matter so I'm going to make it simple. I am the projection of your darker side. That asshole over there is the projection of your good side..." the black one's sentence was cut by the white one.

"Asshole? You call me an asshole? Let me tell you something mister. I ain't.." Thud! the black one kicked the white one and fainted him. Or maybe the white one was too drunk by the Formalin.

"I'm sorry. Anyway, we're a part of you" continued the black one.
"We'ce been together since you were born. Now, our identity supposed to be a secret. I'm supposed to give you whispers to do bad things while that asshole over there supposed to stop me. But lately he became more and more moody and next thing I know, I have to stop him from making you do BAD things. Anyway, can I have a butt?" I took the pack on my desk and handed it to him.

"Surya?" I asked him. He nodded. He lighted the cigarette and sat on the edge of my table.

(to be continued...hahaha)