Tuesday, September 24, 2019

This stupid me.

It has been 7 years since I was lost. 7 years since I gave in to the voices inside my head. Today, when things seem to be moving so well from outside, I just want to record this moment;

That nothing really changed.

I am still at the same junction where I am left alone to face my demons. 
I am still struggling to silence these voices that keep mocking me, ridiculing me for being used, ignored and alone. 

I am still, so much depressed.

Every thing they said were true. 
That people around me are just using me for their own benefits, without even thinking of my feelings, of my condition, or of me. If they do this to me like this today when I have given them all the best things in life, just imagine what I went through, how they treated me when I had nothing, 7 years ago. I hate admitting that the voices were right, all along.

Now, I am pretending to be OK. I am acting like everything is wonderful. 
While inside, I am getting emptier each day. Getting weaker by the minutes. And more depressed by the seconds. 

I will keep holding on. 
And keep pretending.
Till my time comes to exit this stupid life. This stupid reality.
This stupid me.

Monday, January 1, 2018

Happy New Year 2018

2017 was very hectic. But I can safely say things are actually moving, finally. I have switched industry from semiconductor to aerostructure. And have evolved from being a writer to a busker. I travel to and fro between Senawang and Batu Berendam daily for work and at nites and weekends, I go and sing my heart out at areas around Senawang, specifically #cimbmydin and depan maybank #dataransenawang
#serembantunnel have also elvolved. The faithful tenant Bro Black, now owns the surau at the deserted parking block near KTM Seremban station. Both Bro Black and I, are the other known buskers around Seremban other than Bro Jimy, Peter and Khaliss at Benteng Seremban and Asza Buskers at breakfast going peeps at that small foodcourt near Alson Klana Taman Tasik Seremban that I forgot the place.
All I can remember about 2017 was the Taiwan trip shit that stretched till Nov. Alhamdulillah, it is finally settled.

Now, where did I put those zines mastercopies....

Monday, July 24, 2017