Tuesday, September 24, 2019

This stupid me.

It has been 7 years since I was lost. 7 years since I gave in to the voices inside my head. Today, when things seem to be moving so well from outside, I just want to record this moment;

That nothing really changed.

I am still at the same junction where I am left alone to face my demons. 
I am still struggling to silence these voices that keep mocking me, ridiculing me for being used, ignored and alone. 

I am still, so much depressed.

Every thing they said were true. 
That people around me are just using me for their own benefits, without even thinking of my feelings, of my condition, or of me. If they do this to me like this today when I have given them all the best things in life, just imagine what I went through, how they treated me when I had nothing, 7 years ago. I hate admitting that the voices were right, all along.

Now, I am pretending to be OK. I am acting like everything is wonderful. 
While inside, I am getting emptier each day. Getting weaker by the minutes. And more depressed by the seconds. 

I will keep holding on. 
And keep pretending.
Till my time comes to exit this stupid life. This stupid reality.
This stupid me.