Interview with an asshole (like a thick yogurt)

Since watching RTM progams in the tube at night is listed as one of those things that can kill an adult malay male, I decided to do an interview. The problem is, I don't know any cool bands or individuals that can help me in accomplishing this task at this time. So i choose to do an interview with the person that I don't understand the most; myself...

So how do you describe yourself? 
Well, I'm funny, romantic, sexy, loveable and willing to love, cool, generous, rational, sensitive, like to be hugged, happy, tall, dark, handsome, smiley, helpful, a typical hardworker, intelligent, cute when I wake up in the morning, positive and the kinda guy a mother would trust their daughters to. Overall; I'm just a bastard.



Hehehe. Ok, here goes a good one; what's your hobby?
I'm currently serious into collecting small change.


Small change collector? That's a new one. How many 'small change' is in your keeping right now?
Technically alot but I used them all.

What?
Well, you know how it is. Destitute times calls for desperate measures. There are times when I nedd small change for the payphones and there's the late night snacks and all, you know...

Ok. Forget about it. Tell me what are you working on currently?
Currently I'm trying to make an abstract out of nose crap.

A what out of what?
It's a very tiring and nose-aching effort but it's fun and helps me breathe easier.

What kinda sick work is that? A picture made of boogers?
Actually, it's not a picture or some sort. I just put the craps randomly at first but since it starts to fill the spaces on my room's mirror, I figured why not call it an abstract art.
You put it on your mirror? Doesn't that sounds and look disgusting? Yuck!

That's the essence of it. The work is trying to reflect the hypocrisy of the society who say nose picking is disgusting in front of a public but they do it every morning in the toilet, trying to take their minds off the shit.

Yeah. But I still think it's gross. 
You wanna come over to my place and experience it? It's a work in progress and maybe you can chip in.
No I don't!
Yes you do.
No I don't!
Yes you do!
OK. No! I mean lets forget I asked that question. Let's get it on with the next one. What's your greatest achievement?

It's hard to point out the best since everything means something to me. Oh? I know! there was the time when I hadn't masturbate for 3 straight months, and for the first time in my fertile life, I managed to control myself and finished watching a hardcore porn movie from start to finish. ALONE! Not a single paus e. Not a single rub on the forehead. I felt the energy of being able to control my desire. It lasted for 2 hours and after that i had to jerk it off and the whole thing came out like a..

You know what?
What?
You are sick.
Tell me something I don't know. Anyway, the whole thing came out like a thick..

Forget it! Forget it!
Like a...

FORGET IT!!!
What was that thing again?

Stop it!
Haaaaaahhhh...

What? 
Like a thick yogurt ...

to be continued...